For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. #151; Mosiah 3:19
On October 27, 2003, I was at work when I was struck in the back of the head and knocked unconscious. I was diagnosed with a concussion and began what at first was a frustrating journey to once again be who I was before I was injured.
As I battled to get care and to heal, I found myself getting very angry at God for "letting" this happen to me. My son was to be married in less than a month and I was unable to help with any of the wedding arrangements. I found myself unable to do simple tasks such as make a grocery list because I could not identify what was missing from the fridge so I couldn't figure out what needed to be purchased. Growing up, I was usually the first child to get the problem in class and couldn't understand why the teacher had to continue to explain it for the other children. Now I couldn't drive myself across town because I couldn't figure out how to get back home.
At this time I was "kicking against the pricks." I was demanding that God make me well and whole as I had once been that He give me back the life I had always had and that He do it now. I was like a child having a temper tantrum. One day as I struggled through reading and rereading my scriptures, trying to understand and get something out of what I was reading, it was as if the fog cleared as I read Mosiah 3:19.
I realized that I was trying to tell my Heavenly Father what kind of life I needed to live. I thought I knew best what was right for me and wasn't willing to accept His will. Suddenly, I saw that my life had changed and I couldn't do anything about it, but that didn't mean I had to be miserable. What I could do was accept these changes and learn and grow from them. I may make many mistakes and often get confused but I have learned that I can be humiliated by my mistakes or humbled by them, and I have learned to choose humility. I have learned compassion for those who are slower in thinking and I understand more the frustration of a person with a disease that may cause him to be forgetful.
I often think I should know something but I don't anymore, and that is scary and frustrating, but I have learned to not get lost in the fear and to turn my weaknesses over to the Lord. I have learned that what may seem like a severe disability may actually become a blessing as it slows my life down and helps me to enjoy each day I have with my family. I have learned of the love and kindness of other people who are patient with me when I am confused and cannot understand something that may seem so simple to them. I have felt the love and support of my family as they worked together to make my son's wedding a special day for him. My husband and children have rallied around me to support me, to help me and to continue to love me for the new person I have become.
Diane Mueller, Livermore, Calif.