A man, who had the misfortune of having his home burglarized, recounted this story:
As generally happens, the burglars not only took what they wanted, but left the home in shambles. The resulting mess was almost as disheartening as was the theft.But when a police investigator, surveying the disarray in the room of a teenage daughter, commented, "Boy, the thieves really left this room in a mess," a tinge of humor surfaced from an otherwise devastating event.
The truth of the matter is that the burglars had not even entered the teenage daughter's room. The mess was normal.
Perhaps the police investigator was purposely being facetious, but parents everywhere can certainly relate to the problem of "the messy room."
And the problem of "the messy room" seems representative of all kinds of human relations problems. In this case, parents sought balance between rules for keeping the home neat and clean and allowing the youth to exercise agency.
In dealing with such situations, it is important to understand and put into practice two imperative principles - kindness and mercy. Both are Christlike qualities we must develop. It is difficult to separate one from the other. If we are kind in our associations with our family members and with others, we undoubtedly will also show mercy toward them.
Isaiah taught that kindness and mercy go hand-in-hand when he recorded:
". . . with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer." (Isa. 54:8.)
In the war against Satan, one father relates his experience in his attempt to exercise the principles of kindness and mercy.
The father, who was trying to teach his son reverence and respect for Heavenly Father, related that during family prayer a teenage son was more comfortable slouching, rather than kneeling as the rest of the family did.
The father felt kneeling showed proper reverence, but didn't want to turn it into a major issue. So, each night as family members readied themselves to pray, he would ask, "Is everyone ready?" The question hopefully prompted the teenage son to recall earlier admonitions about kneeling.
Over the course of several weeks, family members all came to know that "Is everyone ready?" meant "Are you going to quit slouching?" But no one talked openly about it.
The kindness-and-mercy approach was marginally successful, leaving the father to wonder what he should do next - until the mother related the following:
One night, when the father wasn't home, the family kneeled for prayer. The mother called on the teenage son to pray. Looking around, the teenage son noticed that an 8-year-old brother was slouching. That prompted the teenage son to ask, "Is everyone ready?"
Now, that was a switch. The teenage son was asking "Is everyone ready?"
For a moment or two there was silence. Then the entire family burst into laughter. All had realized that the kindness-and-mercy approach had worked.
The father reports that the teenage son, with few exceptions, now kneels for family prayer.
The home is the primary place where the principles of kindness and mercy should be taught. If not in the home, where will these principles be learned?
Our actions bear fruit rapidly. If, on one hand, harshness and anger are part of our family communications and dealings, then these undesirable traits are quickly picked up by our children. In all likelihood these traits will be carried on into the next generation and become a cycle difficult to break.
But, on the other hand, if we exercise kindness and mercy in our homes, along with such other divine and eternal principles as love, forgiveness, respect and compassion, then these fruits will also be passed on to our children.
There is no place for anger, harshness, or physical or emotional abuse in the home. "Treat your children with respect and kindness," President Ezra Taft Benson has counseled parents. (October 1981 General Conference).
The home should be a sanctuary, a refuge from life's storms, and it can only be that if Christlike qualities abide therein.
