Any time people must interact with one another in the home, at work, at church or in any other social situation, there is the possibility that contention will arise.
Contention means argument, dispute, quarreling, or discord.Everyone has different likes and dislikes. We cannot always be in agreement, but we need not allow differences of opinion to lead to contention.
Contention breeds contention - causing a chain reaction of hurt feelings among family members or friends. The Lord established His gospel to help us find solutions to our problems. By applying gospel principles found in the scriptures, we can find help in dealing with the problem of contention.
President Brigham Young had this advice for parents regarding their children: "Always be good-natured yourselves. . . . Never allow yourselves to become out of temper and get fretful. [Children] are so full of life that they cannot contain themselves. Do not be out of temper yourselves. Always sympathize with them and soothe them. Be mild and pleasant." (Discourses of Brigham Young, pp. 209-210.)
Many families have found ways to avoid contention. Some have a rule that participants in an argument have to sing their objections rather than speak them. Others require family members to lie on their backs on the floor to argue. The arguers always end up laughing. A sense of humor can diminish tension in almost any situation. Others count to 10 before speaking.
Still others require a person to pay a compliment before he or she says anything negative. It is hard to find fault when you are thinking positive thoughts.
President Young counseled: "Parents should never drive their children, but lead them along, giving them knowledge as their minds are prepared to receive it. Chastening may be necessary betimes, but parents should govern their children by faith rather than by the rod, leading them kindly by good example into all truth and holiness." Discourses, p. 208.)
It is easier to control anger and avoid contention if we identify its causes - selfishness, jealousy, pride and stress. People with low self-esteem feel insecure in their relationships with others. Those who feel jealous are resentful of others and are apt to be angry and contentious.
President Young advised: "If your neighbors talk about you, and you think that they do wrong in speaking evil of you, do not let them know that you ever heard a word, and conduct yourselves as if they always did right, and it will mortify them, and they will say, `We'll not try this game any longer.' " (Discourses p. 277.)
What goes on around us influences our feelings and actions. Pressures of various kinds in and out of the home and workplace, frustrations and disappointments can create a high level of tension no matter what our age.
Sometimes we do not know how to channel our hostile feelings into productive or nondestructive paths. We might think we find release for a guilty conscience in anger and contention. We might dwell on another's faults or magnify petty differences into major issues, thus causing resentment. We might respond to hurt or pain, either physical or psychological by becoming angry at others.
Throughout the scriptures the Lord has warned that "there should be no contention one with another" (Mosiah 18:21) for it is "unprofitable and vain." (Titus 3:9.)
The Lord has made it clear that contention is "not of me, but is of the devil." (3 Ne. 11:29.)
A priesthood quorum instructor would begin his lesson each week by focusing on some controversial topic. While the discussion proved lively and tested his brethren's tempers, it was a most unprofitable hour, because the Spirit of the Lord was not present. A gentle reminder from his quorum leader helped him to see the destructive nature of his teaching technique.
"And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another." (Mosiah 18:21.)
We will have more harmony in our homes and in our lives as we seek the Lord's help in controlling negative feelings. We can overcome weaknesses if we change them to strengths. Changing habits and patterns of behavior that are well-established is not easy and requires consistent effort, but change is worthwhile. We may make good progress and then find ourselves slipping backward again. But if we persist, with God's help, we can gradually make the changes that will improve our relationships.
We can follow the Apostle Paul's counsel: "Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you." (2 Cor. 13:11.)
