The Savior taught that we should all be like little children. Little children don't need to be taught to forgive, they already know how. Many times, I've seen children quarreling with each other and even hear them saying that they won't speak to each other again. But usually within a day, they are off together again as though nothing had happened.
As children get older, they sometimes pick up the bad habits of adults around them. They learn to hold grudges and keep bad feelings alive. They forget how easy it really is to forgive and forget. If we as adults would be better examples and truly forgive those who hurt us, then young people around us would not forget how to forgive those who hurt them.For those who may already be having difficulty forgiving others, it is important for us to spend some one-on-one time with them. During this time, it would be helpful to do the following:
Pray with them and for them. Pray to help them overcome their pride and selfishness, their bad feelings and anger.
Share some personal experiences when we were able to forgive others, especially if the situations are similar.
Share what the Lord has said in the scriptures about forgiveness. Good references are D&C 64:9-11 and Matt. 5:38-46.
But most of all, we need to be forgiving ourselves. - John Hess, Apalachin, N.Y.
What we did:
Personal experience
We are blessed with scriptures that teach us of our Heavenly Father and Jesus. We learn from their beautiful examples of forgiveness. Our children can be taught that they are obeying Heavenly Father and Jesus when they forgive others. What a perfect way to show love.
Another way is by sharing a personal experience. Was there a time when you were able to forgive someone? What did you do, and how did it make you feel? This could be very meaningful if the other person was someone the child knows. Talk about the experience. Share your feelings. Was there a difference in the way you felt before and after you were able to forgive?
Remind the children that the Lord is always there for us if we seek Him in prayer. - Cleo Price Mollinet, Murray, Utah
By example
I think there are three ways to teach - by example, by example and by example. There have been times when I've had to personally humble myself to be able to apologize and ask forgiveness of my children. As a bishop, I've also had to do the same with youth in our ward.
This helps young people recognize that we're subject as individuals to make mistakes. When they have an authority figure - such as a father or a bishop - who admits mistakes, then they recognize that they can learn to forgive. - Lewis Jones, Yorktown, Va.
Teach what Savior taught
The Savior Jesus Christ set the example of forgiving others. All His life, He was the victim of unkindness, yet He never sought revenge, held a grudge or spoke an unkind word. Some of the last words He spoke were His plea to the Father to forgive those who were about to crucify Him. Parents can teach their children what the Savior taught through His example and words. Matt. 6:14-15 teaches us that we forgive others' trespasses against us in order to have our trespasses forgiven.
Children can learn from their parents' examples also. Parents must be willing to forgive their children when they make mistakes and ask their children to forgive them also. If children see their parents willing to forgive others, not holding grudges and saying only positive things about those who have offended them, then they will be more likely to apply the principle of forgiveness in their own lives. - Eric and Lorraine Walker, Othello, Wash.
Explain the principle
In our family, my husband and I have explained the principle of forgiveness. We've explained that Heavenly Father wants everyone to have a forgiving heart. We've also explained there's no limit to how many times we forgive someone. We use the scripture, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." (D&C 64:10.) And we talk about incidents in our home when forgiveness is needed. For example, I've told the kids that when they slice bread, they should put the bread back in the sack. I don't know how many times I've found the bread out. But I must be patient and not harbor ill will.
We use incidents in the news when someone was injured but forgave; we also discuss those who refuse to forgive. In addition, there's a true story in the family home evening manual about an American Indian chief whose son was killed by those who were jealous of the chief and his family. The chief, who was a member of the Church, prayed that Heavenly Father would help him forgive. Every time he wanted revenge, he began praying again.
As Native Americans, we relate to this story. We point out that sometimes we can't forgive by ourselves. Heavenly Father is there to help us forgive. We have to be sincere. We teach our children that it's more important to want to do what's right than to want to hate someone. - Bonnie Brown, Page, Ariz.
Keep interacting
We have a family of seven children, our oldest being 19 and our youngest 2 months. There is a lot of close contact with each other and many times feelings get hurt. What have helped us overcome the hurt feelings and have taught the children to forgive each other are the many things we do together as a family. We keep the children interacting with each other in many ways, and they don't let grudges overshadow their love. Soon they forget about the hurt feelings, and forgiveness follows.
This formula works in most situations, whether dealing with family or friends. As we interact with those who have wronged us, our love and/or friendship becomes stronger than the hurt feelings.
We teach our children by example what our Savior has taught us - that no amount of hurt feelings or disagreements are more important than our love for each other. Interaction leads to forgetting, and forgetting leads to forgiveness. - Diane and Steven Huntsman, Las Vegas, Nev.
Main key
As you think of teaching children how to forgive, or in other words to forget the wrong, how else can you do this except by example? How can children learn about forgiveness other than from their parents or a close friend? This is the main key - by example of others, children can see firsthand how to forgive.
There also comes into play the example of the Savior. In the Book of Mormon, there is a scripture that is a big help: "But as oft as they repented and sought forgiveness, with real intent, they were forgiven." (Moro. 6:8.)
One way to use the Savior as an example is to say, "What do you think He would do?" or, "If you can't forgive someone, than how do you think the Savior can forgive you?" - Tamara DuRee, Logan, Utah
How to checklist:
1 Teach what Christ taught in scriptures about forgiveness.
2 Set example; forgive others yourself and ask forgiveness.
3 Pray with children, help them learn to forgive.
4 Share your own personal experiences of forgiveness.
WRITE TO US:
Nov. 11 "How to safeguard your family from crime."
Nov. 18 "How to develop the gift of discernment."
Nov. 25 "How to foster good relationships with in-laws."
Dec. 2 "How to have the Christmas spirit while coping with death of a loved one."
Dec. 9 "How to keep Christ in your heart and mind all year, not just during holidays."
Dec. 16 "How to help elderly loved ones with their finances."
Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, or send fax to (801) 237-2121. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.
