We worked together. Our family farmed, and I do mean our whole family. It took all of us working together to make ends meet. Working with each other is truly a key to building strong relationships between brothers and sisters in a family. This can also be accomplished in household chores, yard work, garden work and family service projects.
We drew close during heartbreak. We lost a brother when he was 16. This had a dramatic effect on our family. We knew firsthand that our time together in this earthly family setting is short. The teaching of the eternal perspective of family relationships can help us to love and cherish each other, no matter what our individual differences. And what a goal for all of us to work toward - being together eternally.- We share enjoyment of our family history. With our interest in family history research comes a great opportunity to draw brothers and sisters close together to feel pride in their common ancestry.
We make recitals, spelling bees, ball games, talks in Church, good grades in school, etc., real family affairs. We emphasize the individual accomplishment by celebrating as a family.
We use family photo albums. Photo albums have helped us emphasize the good in relationships between brothers and sisters. After looking through pictures one Sunday afternoon, my 15-year-old said of his 13-year-old brother, "Mom, I remember when he was my best friend. I wish I could feel like that now." We had the opportunity to talk about things he could do to make that friendship bloom again.
We set a positive example for our children. Children really do learn what they live. If we are striving to make the most of our relationships with our siblings, in the long run our children will do the same.
My parents recently served a mission in Missouri. At Christmastime, we gathered for the annual family get-together. Oh, how great the joy in Missouri when our parents found out we had gotten together. Mother and Dad wrote later about how pleased they were that we love each other enough to carry on this tradition without them being present. - Caroline Pike Briggs, Syracuse, Utah
How we did it:
Don't show favoritism
I believe that if we love and treat children equally and teach obedience, sacrifice and responsibility, they are less likely to be hindered by sibling rivalry and will be more companionable.
Feelings can get out of hand if one child is shown favoritism or perhaps given more opportunities. If one child has been given aid for a special talent, the others can be assisted and encouraged in another talent or interest.
Brothers and sisters must be taught respect for the concerns of each other. Where there is love, and consistent family prayers and family home evenings, there is usually more caring and more understanding among family members. - Lois Dahlberg, Tacoma, Wash.
Family newsletter
We have found that our family newsletter, the Generic Gazette, provides a bonding link for brothers and sisters after they leave the nest. Periodically, my husband and I prepare and mail to each of our six adult, married children a copy of the newsletter. It always begins with a brief scriptural message, followed by general "news of the nest," and then six individual paragraphs to update news and activities for each of our six married children and their families.
The final page is an update of current addresses and telephone numbers to facilitate contact between our children. - Evah Jean Hicks, Weippe, Idaho
Became friends
My husband, I and our six children recently had the opportunity to move to Brazil with my husband's company. One night just before Christmas, our family had an experience that helped our children bond together. We went out for family night, delivering cookies and singing carols. Upon our return, we found that our house had been burglarized. We were all shocked and upset. Things were a mess. But what happened to the children was beautiful. Because they were upset and needed comforting, they decided to gather in one room to sleep that night.
Five brothers and one sister ages 4 to 14 spread beds all over the floor and hung a picture of Christ on the wall above them. After calming them down and saying family prayer, my husband and I left the room. As we left, we heard our 4-year-old say, "Remember if you guys get scared, just look at the picture of Jesus. He'll take care of us!"
How sad the situation that night, but how beautiful the love and the relationships the children formed. They became friends. - Sherrie Robinson, Curitiba Parana, Brazil
Enhance feelings
Talk good about them behind their back. Let me explain. In a conversation with one of my children, I tell him/her good things about a brother or sister, while that brother or sister is within ear-shot but distanced enough that he or she doesn't realize that I know I'm heard.
Here's an example: "You know what, Amy? You are so lucky to have Christopher for a brother! He likes to read to you and helps you learn to spell. He even told me that he thinks you draw really well. He must really love you!"
Meanwhile, Christopher is in another part of the room. His ears perk up when he hears that he's being talked about, and his face just beams. This enhances the sister's feelings for her brother, and at the same time builds up brother's self-esteem. - Bonnie Anderson, Renton, Wash.
Love those you serve
We learned that you love those who you serve. Even if it only meant getting a drink of water for someone who was busy or picking up a dropped item, we tried to incorporate service into our everyday lives.
We learned to share. Almost nothing in our home was individual, private property. We found that two children with one toy had more fun than two children with two toys. It was the same with bicycles, cars, clothes and money as they got older.
I have seen beautiful examples of their concern for one another. Even though they do not live close to one another they talk often and are the best of friends. - Sandra Gibson, Yuma, Ariz.
Sparked memories
About three years ago, my brother sugggested a "sibling letter." Each month, one of us writes an update on his or her family, copies it and sends it to each of the others. The next month is another's turn, so each writes once every four months.
In addition to news of family, we often reminisce about childhood experiences, sparking memories for each other. One brother with interest and skill in videotaping has sometimes sent a video letter. I have a particular interest in family history research and share interesting things I am learning about our ancestors. We are catching up on many years of being apart and have grown closer and more appreciative of each other. - Jocelyn K. Howard, Orem, Utah
How to checklist:
1 Draw close through gospel; remember eternal goals.
2 Work together, be supportive; stay close in joy, sorrow.
3 Enhance relations through gatherings, family history.
4 Keep in contact with newsletters, letters, phone calls.
WRITE TO US:
Feb. 18 "How to overcome roadblocks to personal progress."
Feb. 25 "How to utilize Church publications for personal study and lesson preparation."
March 4 "How to cope when a loved one dies or is incapacitated as a result of alcohol or drug abuse."
March 11 "How to move upward from spiritual plateaus."
March 18 "How to teach children the principle of sacrifice."
March 25 "How to enhance your commitment to Church service beyond the three-hour block schedule."
Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, or send fax to (801) 237-2121. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.
