It has taken me many years to realize what putting first things first really means. As we prioritize our lives and learn to live each day to its fullest, we experience a greater vision of what really is important.
As a wife and mother of six children, I found my "to-do" lists never ending. I became quite efficient at making lists and crossing off each item completed. Somehow, the feeling inside was not complete. I was efficient, but was I effective? As my children grew older, my work took me to a full-time position. I was encouraged also to continue my education and complete my master's degree. I juggled quality time over quantity, also seeking quality relationships. I vividly remember one of my professors giving an assignment to write on: "Given three months to live, how would I spend my time?" I knew I would spend most of it building my closest relationships.This changed two things in my life:
I began looking ahead, prioritizing, putting more emphasis on important relationships.
I found myself living less for what was urgent and more for what was important. Ultimately, the task becomes more enjoyable. Your service and work takes on a stronger meaning.
This relationship-oriented drive began drawing people to me. I became a better person, more effective parent and a more productive worker. I found I was not merely going through the motions of everyday living, but also experiencing deep, rich relationships.
By placing the person above the task, we also develop a perspective on issues that better help us to perceive the task. We will find ourselves in the people-building business approaching the task much more productively. - Kristine Finster, Escondido, Calif.
What we did:
`Win-win'
Many years ago I learned in my management career that the "win-win" way is the way to make things happen. If we help the other person to accomplish the task and assist them in becoming a winner then we also become a winner. As we do so, we create an atmosphere that makes them feel they are more important than the task itself and that you have placed them above the task. - Bob Richardson, Draper, Utah
Doing your best
I have found that when you work with a variety of individuals in Church service it is easy to get caught up in accomplishing the task without regard to growth.
Sometimes we each may have a different vision of how to implement varied Church projects. It is most important to remember that the gospel is about people and their personal testimonies. Programs and projects are wonderful and they help us all in our journey of progression. However, when we serve we must not lose sight of why we are serving.
A newly baptized sister had been doing a monthly Relief Society newsletter. She had missed doing it for a couple of months and called to apologize for her "neglect." I assured her that with or without a Relief Society newsletter, the Church is still true and the Relief Society would still function. I told her I loved her and all she had to do was her best. - Stephanie Lee, Sheppard Air Force Base, Texas
Truly humbled
I learned the importance of putting people above tasks while serving a full-time mission. While my greatest desire was to teach people about the restored gospel, I learned that sometimes my companions had to come first. I realized that my companions were children of God, too, and they deserved and needed love and compassion.
An experience I'll never forget was when transfers came and I was given a missionary who had had a lot of problems and who wanted to go home early. I was so disappointed. I called the assistant to the president and was explaining to him my feelings of discouragement with this new transfer. He then told me something that truly humbled me. The mission president had spent hours on his knees trying to decide what to do with this missionary, and the answer finally came that I should be the new companion. The interesting thing about this is that she became one of my favorite companions and we had a lot of enjoyment working together.
I've been home from my mission for 12 years. I now have a wonderful husband and six small children. I continue to learn that people - now my family instead of my companions - must come before tasks. - Kathy Haycock, Littleton, Colo.
Best way
The best way to get a task done is to put the people first, anyway. For example, I serve in a ward Primary presidency, and we want to increase reverence, which indeed is a task. We could worry about instructing the teachers to be vigilant with the children and have more structure in the class. Or, we can visit with the teachers and listen to their challenges and concerns. We, as leaders, should work with the teachers and take time to listen and share ideas for the benefit of the children.
In other words, if you care for others, they care for you and want to help you accomplish a goal. Basically, this involves time - time with people.
In another scenario, being a mother at home with children, I want to accomplish certain chores in the home. I could dictate and say, "I want you to do this and this," or I can stop and take the time individually with the children. People like to be listened to on an individual basis. By doing this, I develop a trusting and loving relationship with my child, and I can see a total difference in the running of the home.
People - even children - are more willing to work together toward a goal if they feel you care about them. - Sheryl Hedlund, Great Bend, Kan.
Second commandment
The greatest commandment is to love the Lord with all our heart, might, mind and strength. The second is like unto it, to love our neighbors as ourselves. How often we forget the importance of this commandment when our sight is focused on the task. I have worked for many years with various charitable organizations, such as the American Red Cross, the United Way and Special Olympics. I have seen many examples of the volunteers with whom I have worked take time out of their busy schedules to listen to others in need. I have seen many forgo the current issues in their lives to volunteer in disasters for several weeks or to get up in the middle of the night to help a local family that has had their home and lives destroyed by a fire.
It's often a difficult balancing act to get a task done, give the people involved a chance to grow and learn new things, and create an environment that motivates the people involved to excel. Often, I have found the only way to do this is to keep our focus on what Christ would do. When we can get away from our own focus and think about what would be the best for those we are working with, we can give them a chance to grow and complete the task they were given. There is much more compromise in this approach, because often the task cannot be completed to our expectations, but it allows all involved to have a chance to contribute and be better prepared for future opportunities. - Shannon Baird, Alexandria, Va.
How to checklist:
Focus on what Christ would do; remember God's love.
Be effective, not just efficient; set personal priorities.
Build people, not projects; seek a "win-win" scenario.
Take time to listen; develop a positive environment.
Write to us:
Sept. 6 "How to control your temper as a parent."
Sept. 13 "How to triumph over a physical disability."
Sept. 20 "How to encourage young people to listen to general conference."
Sept. 27 "How to cope with the death of a parent."
Oct. 4 "How to apply general conference counsel in your life."
Oct. 18 "How to find balance as primary care-giver of a sick or an elderly loved one."
Also interested in letters on these topics: "How to get out of a rut in your career," "How to develop a healthy dating relationship."
Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, send fax to (801) 237-2524 or use internet E-mail: forum@desnews.com. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.
