Married couples who share religious beliefs and practices are better able to prevent, resolve and reconcile marital conflict, according to a new BYU study.
"The take-home message here is that couples who practice their faith together are more likely to have less conflict, to reach a mutually satisfying resolution if there is conflict and to remain committed to each other and the marriage when conflict does occur," said David Dollahite, co-author of the study and a professor of family life at BYU.
The study, published in the October issue of Family Relations, found that shared religious beliefs within a marriage act as a "safe container" for marital conflict, he said. Religious couples are less likely to divorce and more likely to practice marital fidelity. In addition, they generally have greater commitment, less conflict and greater happiness in their marriage.
As part of a broader project on faith and family life, Brother Dollahite interviewed 57 highly religious, middle-aged married couples from "Abrahamic" or major monotheistic faiths comprising Christianity, Judaism and Islam. Each couple had at least one adolescent child. Participating couples from New England and California were asked several questions regarding the influence and impact of religion on their marriages.
"I have always been interested in how Latter-day Saint belief and practice connects with friends of other faiths," he said. "I spent many, many hours in the homes of many wonderful families of a variety of faiths. It has been a great experience to see the ways that religion strengthens marriage and family across religious tradition."
With co-author Nathaniel Lambert, a BYU graduate now pursuing an advanced degree at Florida State University, Brother Dollahite analyzed the interviews to determine patterns. "Religion definitely has an impact on marital conflict," said Brother Lambert.
The research showed that religion influences marriage in three main areas:
Problem prevention. According to the study, a shared vision among couples helped reduce marital conflict by decreasing stress levels in the marriage and unifying husbands and wives. Shared religion "helps to prevent marital conflict, by giving people who have religious values a shared purpose, something they are working on together," said Brother Lambert.
In addition, he said, religion promotes virtues such as patience, love and forgiveness.
"Religious beliefs helped them to be better as individuals, more selfless, more willing to love unconditionally, more willing to work on character flaws," Brother Dollahite said. "Religion made them better, less likely to argue and be selfish, and less likely to be the kind of person that creates conflict."
Conflict resolution. Brother Dollahite said his research found that religious practices helped couples who were experiencing conflict. As part of conflict resolution, couples who share religious beliefs can turn to religious texts, can attend religious services and pray to resolve conflict.
"Several couples talked about how going to church helped them. They were sitting in church and they realized the thing they were fighting about really wasn't all that important," said Brother Lambert. "Other couples said when they were in a conflict, evening prayers together helped them. They were not as angry with each other as they prayed with each other."
The study of religious texts, said Brother Dollahite, helped couples as they looked at what the scriptures teach. Studying the example of the Savior, for example, influenced the way Christian couples treated each other.
Relational reconciliation. Religious involvement seemed to help couples reconcile by increasing their commitment to the relationship and encouraging forgiveness. Many couples in the study, for example, said divorce was not an option for them. They tried often to remember their religious vows, their religion's teachings and the eternal nature of families.
"Religious belief encourages a sense of shared purpose, prayer promotes better communication before, during and after conflict, and religious practice promotes greater marital commitment and willingness to reconcile the relationship through mutual forgiveness," Brother Dollahite said.
Although he interviewed couples from many backgrounds, nine of the couples were active Latter-day Saints. Those couples expressed that family and couple prayer and family home evening helped them resolve conflict.
"The teachings of the prophets are true," Brother Dollahite said.
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