How badly must you be wronged before you do not have to forgive?
It's a trick question. Forgiveness has no sliding scale. The Lord said, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men" (Doctrine and Covenants 64:10).
Recently, news accounts focused on one man who had used his own stellar reputation and influence to gain the trust of many people, and then had stolen literally billions of dollars from them. Some people lost their entire life's savings and were left destitute. All were robbed of trust and made to appear foolish.
Their reactions offered an interesting case study on the power of forgiveness. One woman said she was reduced to scavenging for food on some days. Sometimes, she collects empty soft-drink cans for the deposit. Before retiring, she was a professional with a comfortable lifestyle. Now, she has little in the way of worldly goods, and she has little desire to let go of her anger.
"Forgiveness ...." one news source quoted her as saying, "will have to come from someone other than me."
Others seemed anxious to make peace and move on, satisfied that no good could come from harboring bitterness, resentment and thoughts of revenge.
Similar scenes play out whenever heinous acts are committed. They even play out over seemingly non-consequential slights. Many are familiar with friends or relatives who have quit coming to Church, for instance, because they took offense with something someone did or said.
Why would the Lord command us to "forgive all men"?
For one thing, He is the author of forgiveness. Jesus Christ paid the ultimate price for all our sins through the miracle of the Atonement. He lived a perfect life, without sin. He alone has the right to decide whom to forgive. We, on the other hand, have committed sins and are dependent on Him, through our own sincere repentance, to forgive us. Anyone who sins and expects forgiveness but will not forgive another person his sins, is a hypocrite.
But there is another reason why the Savior commands us to forgive all others. It is because the act of forgiving is a liberating gift people can give to themselves. People who forgive cast off feelings of bitterness and anger that weigh them down and can destroy their lives.
A recent documentary by filmmaker Martin Doblemeier focused on academic research on the physical effects of forgiveness. In one study, subjects had been hooked to blood pressure monitors and asked to recall a time when they were hurt or treated badly. Even people who normally had low blood pressure saw it rise to unhealthy levels as they began relating their experiences. People who had forgiven, however, returned quickly to normal blood-pressure levels afterward. Others remained at unhealthy levels a lot longer.
It didn't seem to matter what incident they chose to recall. People who had forgiven enormous offenses were much better off than those who hung on to even the slightest grudge.
President Spencer W. Kimball discussed this in his book, The Miracle of Forgiveness. He wrote, "In the midst of discordant sounds of hate, bitterness and revenge expressed so often today, the soft note of forgiveness comes as a healing balm. Not least is its effect on the forgiver."
Then, quoting from a 1963 visiting teacher's message, he said, "One of the glorious aspects of the principles of forgiveness is the purifying and ennobling effects its application has upon the personality and character of the forgiver. Someone wisely said, 'He who has not forgiven a wrong or an injury has not yet tasted one of the sublime enjoyments of life.' The human soul seldom rises to such heights of strength and nobility as when it removes all resentments and forgives errors and malice."
Some people might feel the wrongs they have endured are too great for them to forgive. But while forgiveness may at times take great effort, the Lord put it in perspective when He said, "… for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin" (Doctrine and Covenants 64:9).
Think how the world would be if everyone chose to forgive, regardless of the offense. That decision, and its peaceful consequences, would speak much louder, and with much greater force, than any punishment or revenge.
