PROVO, UTAH
Are LDS couples really different?
Research shared by Dean M. Busby, professor in the school of family life at Brigham Young University during a lecture on the university's campus on Oct. 20, says they are.
"We have significantly stronger relational attitudes that support relational decisions that help form a good foundation for marriage," Brother Busby said. "It appears our relationally oriented doctrines and practices are working for the majority of our Church members. We are more relationally focused than people in other Abrahamic faiths and the nonreligious."
During his lecture, Brother Busby shared considerations of the influence of religion on couples attitudes, behaviors and outcomes.
"In the beginning we had no reason to believe that LDS people would have a corner on a market of basic Christian variables," Brother Busby said. "But once I started going through it, I noticed relationships of our religion started to stand out."
Brother Busby found his results by looking at answers from more than 49,000 individuals participating in a study from the RELATE Institute, research done by professors at BYU and other universities on dating and marriage relationships from couples from many backgrounds from all areas of the country.
By looking at the relationships of couples from an LDS, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Islamic and no religious background, Brother Busby looked at attitudes, decisions, behaviors and outcomes of couples of varying backgrounds. In addition to the religious background, researchers looked at the religiosity of an individual, or the activity and importance of his or her religious affiliation in his or her life.
The strong emphasis The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints places on family relationships — and the belief that marriages are eternal — could be one of the causes of why LDS couples vary from much of the world's views, he said. Brother Busby looked at how the strong relational natures of LDS theology and rituals manifest themselves in a couple's relationship.
"The story here is how we behave," Brother Busby said. "When I got into the behaviors — when to marry, how many sexual partners an individual has, the timing of sexual relations, how those variables are affecting the overall relationship — the first thing that was speaking really loudly through the data was the idea about sexual attitudes."
Data shows that around 99 percent of highly religious LDS couples are choosing to date and marry members who share their beliefs, with a very low, ultimately nonexistent, percentage of those couples cohabiting prior to marriage. Some of the other beliefs in the study included up to 50 percent of participants dating or marrying others not of their same faith. In comparison to other faiths, LDS couples tend to marry at a younger age.
"There is a four-year difference between LDS couples and the national average age of a first marriage," he said. The national average is at about 27 for male, 25 or 26 for female and with LDS couples the average is about 25 to 26 for male, and 22 to 23 for female, he said.
Not only are highly religious LDS couples on average younger when they get married, they seem to have consistently low numbers, if not only one partner, and are waiting until after they are married to have sexual relations.
"We have this really unusual thing that is happening in America now," Brother Busby said. "The majority of the people don't marry until they are in their later 20s. Many of these churches have strong values and opinions about abstinence, but then couples feel like they can't get married until they are almost 30, causing more and more to eventually cave in and become sexual. Eventually they are worn down, something happens, and they don't stay together and then an individual begins to have multiple sexual partners."
Research shows that the timing of sexual relations in a relationship varies immensely within specific beliefs, but LDS couples stood out with waiting almost an entire year longer than other groups.
The interesting pattern, Brother Busby said, is that despite other religions' statistics dropping, the LDS couples and statistics are staying the same.
"The LDS faith is holding, while the rest of the world is declining," Brother Busby said. "Because we say that marriage is really, really important here — it is about salvation — it helps us be a little more disciplined in our behaviors because we want that temple marriage. We are more successful in abstinence because we have this important goal and there are consequences, and we must be true to covenants so we can marry in the temple."
Using the variables in the study, researchers saw a correlation between the sexual timing and overall satisfaction in a relationship — with LDS couples ranking higher than others in better communication, higher opinions of agreeableness of their partner, higher emotional connections and stability.
"As we build our house to a higher code, couples are able to better withstand the earthquakes around us," he said. "It gives you a head start that gets you on the right track. But you have to sustain [relationships], or even the best marriage will become very vulnerable. It's just not enough to build that foundation and then do nothing after."
It is through building a strong foundation in the beginning of relationships that helps set the stage for a stable marriage, but that foundation alone cannot hold a marriage, Brother Busby said. Fortification comes by continually working on strengthening relationships, and by heeding counsel given through the gospel teachings and living prophets.
