Editor’s note: In March 2026, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released 10 brief discussion videos in Gospel Library for women, featuring the 10 members of the Relief Society general advisory council.
The council members wrote about the videos’ five topics for the Church News. This is the fourth of five articles and is about the topic “staying committed when facing offense, hurt or trials.” Read part 1 about “Finding strength and relief in Jesus Christ” here, and part 2 about “Managing competing priorities” here and part 3 about “Building emotional resilience” here.
Sometimes we want our leaders to offer us perfection, and sometimes we demand that same perfection from ourselves. We have come to realize how difficult that expectation can be — especially when it runs contrary to the plan of the gospel. The gospel was never meant to produce instant perfection. Instead, it invites growth, understanding, patience and love for one another.
Sister Elaine Thornton: I learned this through a difficult experience with a leader that had painful implications for my family. For a time, I held tightly to the hurt. I replayed the situation in my mind and struggled to make sense of it. Eventually, though, I had to stop and look inward. I remember thinking, “He’s really hurtful. But maybe I’ve hurt people too. Maybe I’ve said things or done things that wounded someone else.” I came to recognize I too have failings of my own.
That realization softened my heart and brought me back to the foundations of what I know. In many ways, that painful experience pushed me toward the Lord in a deeper and more meaningful way. Had it not happened, I might not have returned so intentionally to my spiritual foundations.
Through that process, I found myself growing in my desire to know my Heavenly Father and my Savior more personally. And the reason I want to know Them is simple: I want to become more like Them.
Because of this, when I think about our gatherings in Relief Society and the way we counsel together as women, I feel to offer a strong invitation to encourage us all to lean in a little more. Lean into the sister who doesn’t think like you. Lean into the one who may be struggling with her testimony. Lean into the sister who has recently gone through a divorce or the one quietly wondering if any of it is worth it.
If we do that, I believe we will become more useful to the Savior. We begin to learn how to do what He does.
Sister Eme Martin: In leaning into our sisterhood and sharing part of our hearts with one another, we find belonging and healing. When I consider the spaces where my heart was hurt by an offense, I first seek to recall that our Savior and Redeemer also suffered “pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind” (Alma 7:11). Jesus Christ experienced this life so that He would know personally the challenges of mortality so “that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” (Alma 7:12). In recalling the suffering of our Savior, I strive to remember that I am not alone in the burdens I bear and neither are the brothers and sisters whom I encounter.
The late Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles shared spectacular insight on the subject: “The Church is ‘for the perfecting of the saints’ (Ephesians 4:12); it is not a well-provisioned rest home for the already perfected. Likewise, unremembered by some is the reality that in the kingdom we are each other’s clinical material; the Lord allows us to practice on each other, even in our imperfections" (see “A Brother Offended,” April 1982 general conference). In this learning laboratory of life, we will inherently experience and inflict pain on one another; it is something of an occupational hazard of our mortal conditions. Yet, we must prayerfully, albeit painfully, determine how to press forward with the Savior.
Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles states: “You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. ... One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended” (“And Nothing Shall Offend Them,” October 2006 general conference).
When we are in the learning laboratory of our church community, we can choose to remember our Savior and allow Him to succor us. We can choose to remember our circle of sisterhood and allow it to bear us up. We can choose to remember the comfort in keeping our covenants and allow the promises to strengthen us through difficulty, including mistreatments. Instead of the bitter, we can choose the better part.
— Sister Elaine Thornton and Sister Eme Martin are members of the Relief Society general advisory council.
